"He prays to find a man to blame for every sleepless night he spends, and for every well that he warned me of-- but wound up falling in."
A few days back I went to the library in between classes. As I was driving around, looking for an empty parking space (of which there were none close by--the library really picked a bad location if they wanted anyone to actually come there), I passed by the side of a church. Which church it was is no matter-- what caught my eye as I drove by was the sign on the building that said something roughly along the lines of this:
NO PARKING EXCEPT STAFF MEMBERS
ANY VIOLATERS WILL BE TOWED AT OWNER'S EXPENSE
OR BLOCKED TO KEEP FROM LEAVING
At first, I didn't even think about it. There are signs similar to that literally all over downtown. And then something struck me... That was on the building of a church.
Wait, what?
And I thought, huh. Wow. If Christians aren't even willing to give up our parking spots to innocent (or even not-so-innocent) bystanders, then what does that say about our willingness to give anything? What does that say about our love for Jesus? Why would we serve the poor if we can't even give up our parking spot? Or, if we do serve the poor, isn't that just a form of hypocrisy?
Now that's a lot of questions that might sound like accusations, or like I'm taking the implications of this too far. Although I'm not accusing anyone at this church, I don't think this is too far to take the line of logic here.
When Jesus called us to be humble, when He called us to serve, I don't think that He was kidding. And I don't think that He meant only in the big things.
I think that I honestly believe it is wrong for a Christian to be unwilling to give up a parking spot.
Now, I realize that I am severely uninformed in this specific situation, as I just drove by and saw the sign one day. Its not like I know what's all going on. But still... Even seeing that sign sort of turns me off to Christians... And I am one!
Even in the small things, we are called to be faithful and above reproach. Even if that means an inconvenience for us.
I intend to try to live my life serving other people in every area, not just the big ones. If that means parking two blocks away from work every day, well so be it. Hey, I could use the exercise anyway.
Christ calls us to be witnesses with every action in our lives, not just our speech.
I don't know; this just struck me when I saw that sign. Random ramblings.
vanessa ((
21 February 2011
Christmas Throwback.
"You point your finger at you; I'll point mine right back at me."
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is one of my family's favorite movies. We watch it every Christmas; we watch it at random times throughout the year. We love it. Jim Carrey version, not the cartoon. We just find something about it hilarious and moving all at the same time.
While watching this esteemed movie, one of Cindy Lou Who's lines struck me.
"But Dad, there's just one thing I don't understand. Why won't anybody talk about the Grinch?"
Why won't anyone talk about the Grinch indeed. A menacing figure, a lonely man-- the Grinch may be green, but he has feelings like the rest of the Whos! And the Whos ostracized him. They were terrible! But all of that is beside the point.
Just like the inhabitants of Whoville, I think we all live in happy little bubble. Even if our lives aren't necessarily a happy little bubble, they are bubbles nonetheless. When we individually, or our town, have a problem, many times the problem becomes a Grinch. Follow my analogy here. We take the Grinch and we ostracize him. Throw him out of town, make him go away, and try not to think about him. Although we know that the Grinch is the bigger problem, its much too risky and difficult to deal with him. We're wrapped up (no pun intended, ha) enough dealing with trivial irritants-- not being able to put enough Christmas lights on our house, for example, or attempting to become CheerMister. So my question to you is:
Come on, guys. Why won't anybody talk about the Grinch?
When we have a problem, why won't we talk about it? Why won't we share? Others aren't always going to reject us, you know. If we have a solid and stable support group, we should be able to fall on them and know that they will lift us up. I'm blessed to have a group like that behind me, and I want anyone reading this to know that I am available fall on. I don't want to live in a 'happy' little bubble, and I don't want anyone else to have to live in one either.
Let's make a pact.
Let's talk about the Grinch.
Because when Grinches are brought out in the open, situations normally get a lot better.
True, there may be some bumps in the road on the way there, but I believe that before you know it, the Grinch will not only be solved, but he will be jovially asking you to pass the rare Who roast beast.
vanessa ((
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is one of my family's favorite movies. We watch it every Christmas; we watch it at random times throughout the year. We love it. Jim Carrey version, not the cartoon. We just find something about it hilarious and moving all at the same time.
While watching this esteemed movie, one of Cindy Lou Who's lines struck me.
"But Dad, there's just one thing I don't understand. Why won't anybody talk about the Grinch?"
Why won't anyone talk about the Grinch indeed. A menacing figure, a lonely man-- the Grinch may be green, but he has feelings like the rest of the Whos! And the Whos ostracized him. They were terrible! But all of that is beside the point.
Just like the inhabitants of Whoville, I think we all live in happy little bubble. Even if our lives aren't necessarily a happy little bubble, they are bubbles nonetheless. When we individually, or our town, have a problem, many times the problem becomes a Grinch. Follow my analogy here. We take the Grinch and we ostracize him. Throw him out of town, make him go away, and try not to think about him. Although we know that the Grinch is the bigger problem, its much too risky and difficult to deal with him. We're wrapped up (no pun intended, ha) enough dealing with trivial irritants-- not being able to put enough Christmas lights on our house, for example, or attempting to become CheerMister. So my question to you is:
Come on, guys. Why won't anybody talk about the Grinch?
When we have a problem, why won't we talk about it? Why won't we share? Others aren't always going to reject us, you know. If we have a solid and stable support group, we should be able to fall on them and know that they will lift us up. I'm blessed to have a group like that behind me, and I want anyone reading this to know that I am available fall on. I don't want to live in a 'happy' little bubble, and I don't want anyone else to have to live in one either.
Let's make a pact.
Let's talk about the Grinch.
Because when Grinches are brought out in the open, situations normally get a lot better.
True, there may be some bumps in the road on the way there, but I believe that before you know it, the Grinch will not only be solved, but he will be jovially asking you to pass the rare Who roast beast.
vanessa ((
Artistry.
"Raindrops keep falling on my head."
This is a complicated dance.
Hold my hands, and
don't let go.
When the dawn
breaks the sky,
give me a chance.
We'll make it, I know.
We'll fly so high that the
world below
is just a painted
portrait in rhyme.
Look at the stars--
I'll be one of them,
someday,
if wings can be
found for me.
Its a tragedy with
a dose of hope;
I know you have the
courage to lift off.
If you close your eyes,
we'll fly so high
that the world below
is just a painted
portrait in rhyme.
This is a complicated dance,
the fateful leap.
There's no chance to
look back, so
don't look down.
Open your eyes,
see the beauty
unwind, and
we'll fly so high
that the world below
is just a painted
portrait in rhyme.
vanessa ((
This is a complicated dance.
Hold my hands, and
don't let go.
When the dawn
breaks the sky,
give me a chance.
We'll make it, I know.
We'll fly so high that the
world below
is just a painted
portrait in rhyme.
Look at the stars--
I'll be one of them,
someday,
if wings can be
found for me.
Its a tragedy with
a dose of hope;
I know you have the
courage to lift off.
If you close your eyes,
we'll fly so high
that the world below
is just a painted
portrait in rhyme.
This is a complicated dance,
the fateful leap.
There's no chance to
look back, so
don't look down.
Open your eyes,
see the beauty
unwind, and
we'll fly so high
that the world below
is just a painted
portrait in rhyme.
vanessa ((
02 February 2011
Ready or Not, Here I Come..
"Lately I've been hard to reach. I've been too long out on my own."
Afraid to look behind;
afraid to look ahead.
Eyes tightly closed.
Arms tightly wrapped around
myself.
No peeking.
Cause I'm playing
hide-and-seek
with my hurts.
I'll count to ten, and
they'll all hide away
somewhere deep
deep
deep in my soul.
But shh,
don't tell,
when ten is up--
I'm going to cheat.
I'll keep my eyes
tightly closed.
No looking;
no peeking.
Maybe they'll
stay put.
And not approach,
softly,
tapping on my shoulder.
Rocking on their heels.
Raising their eyebrows and
saying expectantly--
"Hey.
You forgot to come looking."
vanessa ((
Afraid to look behind;
afraid to look ahead.
Eyes tightly closed.
Arms tightly wrapped around
myself.
No peeking.
Cause I'm playing
hide-and-seek
with my hurts.
I'll count to ten, and
they'll all hide away
somewhere deep
deep
deep in my soul.
But shh,
don't tell,
when ten is up--
I'm going to cheat.
I'll keep my eyes
tightly closed.
No looking;
no peeking.
Maybe they'll
stay put.
And not approach,
softly,
tapping on my shoulder.
Rocking on their heels.
Raising their eyebrows and
saying expectantly--
"Hey.
You forgot to come looking."
vanessa ((
Blizzard.
"Sometimes life can seem wrong, and still be right."
Bishops fall
and roll in the snow
as monks look on
and laugh.
Birds chatter
questioningly.
Snow falls quietly.
But the sun melts it
as fast as it can
stick.
Living in freedom
is
not as quaint as it
might seem.
vanessa ((
Bishops fall
and roll in the snow
as monks look on
and laugh.
Birds chatter
questioningly.
Snow falls quietly.
But the sun melts it
as fast as it can
stick.
Living in freedom
is
not as quaint as it
might seem.
vanessa ((
01 February 2011
Strength-Love.
"Fly me to the moon. Let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars."
Someone I know recently wrote a poem, and in this poem there was a line:
"Learn to love humbly with no shame."
I believe that all of us (and by "us" I mean humanity) are secretly ashamed to love. We think in some deep part of ourselves that true love is wrong. I really believe that people think this. The one thing that seems to terrify even the most fearless of humans is being open about our feelings. Why? Why can we not openly express our emotions?
Me, being a very emotionally open person, can't comprehend this. I mean, to a certain extent.
I have a theory of why we all have this shame to love, of course.
The emotions that we're afraid to express are the ones that make us vulnerable.
When we are open about ourselves, when people see who we truly are, we're exposed. Its dangerous. Like a patch of skin peeking through armor. Our emotions are a piece of the truest part of ourselves, and revealing the truest part of ourselves is like baring our chest right in front of someone holding a huge sword.
I've discovered that this is what I think true love is.
True love is pulling back our armor, and exposing the weakest and truest pieces of ourselves to someone who is holding a sword.
True love involves trust. Believing that the person holding the sword is not going to swing upward and then down, splitting us into pain-filled shards. And sometimes... Sometimes the other person does that. And broken trust and a shattered heart can be the most painful thing a person can feel. But God-love, agape-love, true-love, will always pull their armor back again, and again, and again. True love always involves vulnerability. Because true love always involves risk. If there's no risk involved, then its not true love. At least in my, very humble opinion.
I'm not advocating blindly trusting everyone... I guess. Although that does sound sort of appealing to my idealistic side. But this is what I really mean, I think.. Just because you trust freely doesn't mean that you don't have discretion, and that you don't know when to keep things to yourself. Trusting freely doesn't mean that you spill your soul to everyone on the street. It does mean, however, that you don't hold back when you could let go. You don't hide who you are.
So put yourself out there. Give the people around you God-love, agape-love, true-love. Love people without shame. Pull back your armor and expose yourself.
Although you may get hurt sometimes, I think that you'll find that when you love without shame, when you're vulnerable with trustworthy people, you'll come back for more.
There's something quite freeing about openly being who you are. When you love without shame, you're free, and honestly-- it sort of feels like flying.
vanessa ((
Someone I know recently wrote a poem, and in this poem there was a line:
"Learn to love humbly with no shame."
I believe that all of us (and by "us" I mean humanity) are secretly ashamed to love. We think in some deep part of ourselves that true love is wrong. I really believe that people think this. The one thing that seems to terrify even the most fearless of humans is being open about our feelings. Why? Why can we not openly express our emotions?
Me, being a very emotionally open person, can't comprehend this. I mean, to a certain extent.
I have a theory of why we all have this shame to love, of course.
The emotions that we're afraid to express are the ones that make us vulnerable.
When we are open about ourselves, when people see who we truly are, we're exposed. Its dangerous. Like a patch of skin peeking through armor. Our emotions are a piece of the truest part of ourselves, and revealing the truest part of ourselves is like baring our chest right in front of someone holding a huge sword.
I've discovered that this is what I think true love is.
True love is pulling back our armor, and exposing the weakest and truest pieces of ourselves to someone who is holding a sword.
True love involves trust. Believing that the person holding the sword is not going to swing upward and then down, splitting us into pain-filled shards. And sometimes... Sometimes the other person does that. And broken trust and a shattered heart can be the most painful thing a person can feel. But God-love, agape-love, true-love, will always pull their armor back again, and again, and again. True love always involves vulnerability. Because true love always involves risk. If there's no risk involved, then its not true love. At least in my, very humble opinion.
I'm not advocating blindly trusting everyone... I guess. Although that does sound sort of appealing to my idealistic side. But this is what I really mean, I think.. Just because you trust freely doesn't mean that you don't have discretion, and that you don't know when to keep things to yourself. Trusting freely doesn't mean that you spill your soul to everyone on the street. It does mean, however, that you don't hold back when you could let go. You don't hide who you are.
So put yourself out there. Give the people around you God-love, agape-love, true-love. Love people without shame. Pull back your armor and expose yourself.
Although you may get hurt sometimes, I think that you'll find that when you love without shame, when you're vulnerable with trustworthy people, you'll come back for more.
There's something quite freeing about openly being who you are. When you love without shame, you're free, and honestly-- it sort of feels like flying.
vanessa ((
My Code of Honor.
"Nothing can hold you back when you're not holding back a thing. I'll give an oath against the shadows, denying the dark. Fight till the break of dawn."
In my World History II class, we were studying knights and chivalry and the like. All of the students had to create a code of honor-- the principles that are most important to us, that we feel we must always live by. I thought I'd share mine, and then explain the reasoning behind some of them. :) There were only supposed to be ten for the assignment, but oh well. I did eleven.
I. Never take revenge on anyone, in any form.
II. Stand up for humanity.
III. Never abandon the ones who lean on you, in times of need and in times of plenty.
IV. Respect and obey authority.
V. Love all, no matter the cost.
VI. Don't hoard possessions, time, money, or emotional support.
VII. Always truly listen before speaking.
VIII. Realize that you are not perfect; never be too prideful to ask for help.
IX. Give the benefit of the doubt, even when unearned.
X. Trust, but with discernment.
XI. Seek excellence in all; never settle for mediocrity.
Now for the explanations.. I won't explain every one of them; some are pretty straightforward.
Explanation for II (Stand up for humanity).
This one is interesting, actually. Every so often I hear the phrase, "People suck." Actually I hear that phrase a lot, as my friends are firm believers that this is the truth. Most of the time I have to agree. Even as much as this phrase may prove right, however, I also believe that every human has potential. Before we meet God, we can't really know our true potential. But still. Everyone has something to give, something positive about themselves that can benefit someone else. I don't care how bad they may seem. There's always something good. And every opportunity I get, I stand up for humanity. And I think that other people should too.
Explanation for VI (Don't hoard possessions, time, money, or emotional support).
I think one of the most important things to realize is that people are worth giving ourselves for. And when people think of keeping something from someone in need, they think of stuff, like money mainly. But I think that its just as bad to keep your time and the like from someone who needs it. Or especially emotional support. I know that I'm a little biased in this area, as I need a lot of emotional support from my friends. But because I know what its like to be on the side of needing it, I know how important it is to give it. One of the worst feelings in the world is when you are pouring your heart out to your friend, and he or she is giving you half-attention, half-hearted responses, and metaphorically (or literally) glancing at their watches the whole time you're spilling your soul. Its terrible. That's why I try really hard to focus my complete attention on the emotional issue at hand, and how I can emotionally support that person. Because when you're hurting and you need someone, you need all of them. Having only half of them just makes it hurt more.
Explanation for IX (Give the benefit of the doubt, even when unearned).
Hmm... This one is sort of hard to explain, although I feel it warrants explanation. I guess I should just say that I know what it feels like to not be trusted. I know what it feels like to lie and be trusted, and then be found out. That's pain, and shame. And then when you try to fix it, and you try to tell the truth, no one will believe you. That's so, so hard. I know that many times people who have lied don't care that they hurt you, and don't want to change. That they'll just lie again if given the chance. And I'm not advocating blindly trusting everyone. But.. If someone asks for a chance and their track record doesn't support it, hey. I believe people can change. I believe people can be good. Yeah, it gets me hurt sometimes, but you know what? I'd want to be hurt by five liars to give one person an honest chance to make a new track record.
Explanation for X (Trust, but with discernment).
This is pretty much the explanation for the one above, so, yeah. Refer up there.
Explanation for XI (Seek excellence in all; never settle for mediocrity).
As my close friends would tell you, I enjoy shooting high. I absolutely despise when people don't live up to their potential. It makes me CRAZY. There's nothing that makes me more angry than wasted potential. For me, settling for mediocrity is not an option. Its just not. This can get me in trouble sometimes, because it tends to lean me toward perfectionism and frustration with myself for not being perfect. But I'd rather that be my mistake than just giving up and completely wasting what I've been given. And I pretty much expect the same of everyone else.. Maybe that's not good, but I think its been helpful to people who I interact with who are wasting their potential. I tell them to bring it! And then they tell me to calm down. Its a good system, really..
So, that's my code of honor.
vanessa((
In my World History II class, we were studying knights and chivalry and the like. All of the students had to create a code of honor-- the principles that are most important to us, that we feel we must always live by. I thought I'd share mine, and then explain the reasoning behind some of them. :) There were only supposed to be ten for the assignment, but oh well. I did eleven.
I. Never take revenge on anyone, in any form.
II. Stand up for humanity.
III. Never abandon the ones who lean on you, in times of need and in times of plenty.
IV. Respect and obey authority.
V. Love all, no matter the cost.
VI. Don't hoard possessions, time, money, or emotional support.
VII. Always truly listen before speaking.
VIII. Realize that you are not perfect; never be too prideful to ask for help.
IX. Give the benefit of the doubt, even when unearned.
X. Trust, but with discernment.
XI. Seek excellence in all; never settle for mediocrity.
Now for the explanations.. I won't explain every one of them; some are pretty straightforward.
Explanation for II (Stand up for humanity).
This one is interesting, actually. Every so often I hear the phrase, "People suck." Actually I hear that phrase a lot, as my friends are firm believers that this is the truth. Most of the time I have to agree. Even as much as this phrase may prove right, however, I also believe that every human has potential. Before we meet God, we can't really know our true potential. But still. Everyone has something to give, something positive about themselves that can benefit someone else. I don't care how bad they may seem. There's always something good. And every opportunity I get, I stand up for humanity. And I think that other people should too.
Explanation for VI (Don't hoard possessions, time, money, or emotional support).
I think one of the most important things to realize is that people are worth giving ourselves for. And when people think of keeping something from someone in need, they think of stuff, like money mainly. But I think that its just as bad to keep your time and the like from someone who needs it. Or especially emotional support. I know that I'm a little biased in this area, as I need a lot of emotional support from my friends. But because I know what its like to be on the side of needing it, I know how important it is to give it. One of the worst feelings in the world is when you are pouring your heart out to your friend, and he or she is giving you half-attention, half-hearted responses, and metaphorically (or literally) glancing at their watches the whole time you're spilling your soul. Its terrible. That's why I try really hard to focus my complete attention on the emotional issue at hand, and how I can emotionally support that person. Because when you're hurting and you need someone, you need all of them. Having only half of them just makes it hurt more.
Explanation for IX (Give the benefit of the doubt, even when unearned).
Hmm... This one is sort of hard to explain, although I feel it warrants explanation. I guess I should just say that I know what it feels like to not be trusted. I know what it feels like to lie and be trusted, and then be found out. That's pain, and shame. And then when you try to fix it, and you try to tell the truth, no one will believe you. That's so, so hard. I know that many times people who have lied don't care that they hurt you, and don't want to change. That they'll just lie again if given the chance. And I'm not advocating blindly trusting everyone. But.. If someone asks for a chance and their track record doesn't support it, hey. I believe people can change. I believe people can be good. Yeah, it gets me hurt sometimes, but you know what? I'd want to be hurt by five liars to give one person an honest chance to make a new track record.
Explanation for X (Trust, but with discernment).
This is pretty much the explanation for the one above, so, yeah. Refer up there.
Explanation for XI (Seek excellence in all; never settle for mediocrity).
As my close friends would tell you, I enjoy shooting high. I absolutely despise when people don't live up to their potential. It makes me CRAZY. There's nothing that makes me more angry than wasted potential. For me, settling for mediocrity is not an option. Its just not. This can get me in trouble sometimes, because it tends to lean me toward perfectionism and frustration with myself for not being perfect. But I'd rather that be my mistake than just giving up and completely wasting what I've been given. And I pretty much expect the same of everyone else.. Maybe that's not good, but I think its been helpful to people who I interact with who are wasting their potential. I tell them to bring it! And then they tell me to calm down. Its a good system, really..
So, that's my code of honor.
vanessa((
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