An Open Secret was Found Missing Yesterday.

"Its no secret that the stars are falling from the sky... A man will beg Love. A man will crawl on the sheer face of Love, like a fly on the wall. We're shining like a burning star; we're falling from the sky tonight. Its no secret at all."

Someone recently expressed to me: "Really, I'd so much rather grow down than up. I was so much better then, when I was a child."

I know what she means. I look back, and see innocence and happiness in my then unguarded eyes. And I wish desperately that I could return to that.

But I've come to a conclusion, after thinking about this for a while.

If you do allow yourself grow up, you'll return to that person.

When I say grow up, of course, I don't mean it how the world-at-large does. For the world, growing up means gaining cynicism, or a "realistic" view of life, circumstances, chances. I believe that growing up is found in the realization that optimism is possible, even in the most cynical of circumstances.
You see, God is full of paradoxes and oxymorons. You must give up your life to save it. Humble yourself to be exalted. Die to live. Serve to be served. Et cetera.
And He calls us to be like children towards Him... Dependent. Begging for Him. Loving Him with all we have. Giving Him everything, unashamedly. Excitable. Passionate. One-track mind for Him. Persistent. Optimistic. Believing. Trusting. But how can we go back to these childlike qualities? "Can [a person] go back into his mother's womb and be reborn?" (John 3:4)

Of course not. Its a metaphor, Nicodemus.

Anyway. No, we- by ourselves- can't get back to these childlike qualities.

But because God is full of paradoxes and oxymorons, we can.

As we grow up in Christ, we gain more and more of the qualities we love from our childhood days. Innocence. Optimism. Trust (in God). Dependence (on God). We should be gaining these anyway, if we're growing up in Christ. If we're growing up according to the world's standards, well. Its a different story. That's when we become everything we hate. Cynical. Bored. Passive. Detached. Old. Not that being old is a bad thing, but these qualities are normally negatives associated with growing up. I don't think that anyone wants to be that- cynical. Bored. We want to be optimistic. Excitable. Active. Involved. Young.

I believe that the more we grow up and mature in Christ, the more we become those things. The more we attain the qualities of a child, the good ones. And leave behind the negative ones. Petty arguments. Petty attachments. Having to have our way. Throwing fits.

It's God's oxymoron of growing up in Christ. Becoming more and more childlike, we become less and less childish all at once. I love it.

So don't be afraid to grow up. Go ahead and mature. The childlike qualities that you desire won't fade with time, if you follow the Lord. God is a God of paradoxes and oxymorons. He can certainly help you grow down at the same time as you grow up.

vanessa ((

A Flying Trapeze Artist Dives.

"If I make it to the pearly gates, make a drawing for me. Of a monkey and a man, a marching band. An angel kissing on a sinner."

Red Queen screams,
"Off with her head!"
As the clavicle
seductively
moves.
Growing
even
longer as
time
long grows,
give me
one
red eyepatch
in the shape of
naive.
No,
make that two.
White marble
gives the impression of
strong bones.
Cracks show brittle
underneath.
Give me
the cure, not
the vaccination--
a sick heart
protagonizes
best.
As the thread thickens,
don't cut.
Even yarn
will bleed.

vanessa ((

The Verdict is Still Out.

"You left me close-eyed, so I wouldn't see. Soon after, I was swallowed by the city and spit out."

Strength comes, not from cynicism, not from letting no one in, not from hardness, but from endurance without bitterness. Trials come. Inevitable. Sometimes they're dealt with by denial. Sometimes by our own strength. Sometimes by logic. Sometimes by tears. Sometimes by leaning on other people. Sometimes by solitude. How do we deal with trials? An infinite list. But along with these methods- some good, some bad- can rise bitterness. And if bitterness is the result of a trial, that trial has been wasted. Wasted trials lead to more bitterness. Only one method of dealing with trials brings true strength: knowing. When a trial comes, no matter what type it is, what time of your life it invades, or what part of you it affects, the same method holds true. Knowing. Knowing what? The answer to that question lies in one small phrase- seemingly insignificant, yet ultimately, the most important direction for humankind. From this phrase, a well-spring of true, beautiful strength flows. A spring that cannot be stopped.

"Be still, and know that I am God."

vanessa ((